“If you don’t heal what hurt YOU, you’ll bleed on people who didn’t cut YOU.” – Unknown
I hope what I am about to share can help those that have not fully dealt with their traumas.
I hope this newly found perspective of mine helps YOU heal as it helps me heal by writing about it.
I hope it helps YOU find the strength to ask for help.
To start YOUR journey to becoming FREE!
To let things go.
To finally get the RIGHT love and affection YOU truly deserve.
I want YOU to know one important thing.
IT’S NOT YOUR FAULT!
• • •
Ever wonder why WE treat certain people one way and other people a different way?
Why WE keep making the same mistakes?
The same poor choices and actions?
Why WE keep hurting the ones that truly love us and attracted to the ones that just want to take advantage or abuse US?
Most of this is due to certain childhood traumas WE endured growing up.
WE grew accustomed to doing things a certain way as part of our coping mechanism.
To deal with what WE went through.
To make sense or forget the traumas WE experienced.
Unfortunately, WE may keep doing things that are unhealthy for US and to people around US.
WE do this because WE haven’t fully dealt, accepted, embraced, processed and then let go of the traumas WE experienced.
WE will continue to keep repeating them until WE have dealt with them and then let them go.
Many just keep “IT” hidden deep inside of them.
Pretending they are OK.
Pretending that by forgetting about “IT” that “IT” will no longer affect them.
The truth is, without dealing with your traumas, YOU only allow “IT” to fester and become its own “Monster”.
A “Monster” that will affect what YOU do to yourself, your loved ones and other people around YOU.
• • •
There are many kind of traumas that affects people in life.
These traumas can be either or combination of physical, emotional, mental or sexual events in YOUR life.
My personal trauma, that affected me the most, is when my father sexually abused me as a child.
I have finally fully accepted, embraced, understood, and process the sexual abuse that happened to me as a child.
I now understand how “IT” affected me.
My decisions in life, both good and bad, mostly the bad, are all influenced by “IT”.
How “IT” affected me in my relationships with friends, loved ones, and people around me.
How “IT” influenced me in how I interact with people.
Now that I have fully dealt with “IT” and learning to let “IT” go, is a freeing experience.
Dealing with “IT” helped change my perspective on what I now need to work on.
Letting “IT” go has helped change me to be ready to go to my new path of becoming the best version of ME!
I have gained a new perspective in life with the stories and insights given to me by others that have shared their traumas with me since I shared my own story.
Some of these insights I will share with YOU after asking my friends if I can share it with others.
In hope that it helps YOU just like it helped US.
• • •
Why do people that loves US abuse US?
Why do they take advantage of our trust in them?
Why didn’t I see “IT” before “IT” happened?
But they “LOVE ME! Don’t they “LOVE” me?
My friend gave me such an amazing reply to this that WE decided to share it with YOU!
She was sexually abused and raped by her cousin.
“WE as young abused kids see the abuse as love.
Not knowing what they are doing is abuse.
Especially as young as some of US were.
Being groomed over time by our abusers.
I know that for me my cousin loved me when he wasn’t abusing me.
I just thought for the longest time that was normal to some extent.
Then I blocked the trauma.
It wasn’t until middle school it came back to me.
So our brains sometimes won’t even allow US to see the abuse negatively to help preserve our mental health.” – Anonymous
I am sure that most abusers in someway “LOVE” YOU.
But this “LOVE” has been perverted in someway by their sick mind.
Most people that abuse another tend to be family or close to YOU or your family.
They use the “INNOCENCE OF LOVE” to get close to YOU and get YOU off guard.
They will slowly but surely push their limits as they get closer and closer to YOU.
Breaking boundaries by doing small inappropriate things until YOU feel like it’s something NORMAL.
NORMALIZING Inappropriate Behavior is what abusers do BEST!
“IT” ALWAYS starts with something that looks “INNOCENT” to YOU and people around YOU!
“IT” can be an “INNOCENT” brush here.
“IT” can be an “INNOCENT” touch there.
“IT” can be an “INNOCENT” caress of your hand.
“IT” can be an “INNOCENT” kiss on the cheek.
Then they try to get closer … inappropriately closer.
“IT” can be an “ACCIDENTAL” brush of your breast.
“IT” can be an “ACCIDENTAL” touch of your bare skin.
“IT” can be an “ACCIDENTAL” caress of your behind.
“IT” can be an “ACCIDENTAL” kiss of your lips.
Each time making their last move FEEL normal.
Each time making YOU believe that what they are doing is NORMAL and not WRONG!
Each time they will keep testing and pushing their limits until it’s too late and they have YOU!
EVERYTHING that they do to YOU is NEVER “INNOCENT” OR “ACCIDENTAL”.
They KNOW exactly what they are doing to YOU at the time that they are doing “IT”!
Everyone else that has been a VICTIM can see what they are doing IF they were there doing “IT” to YOU.
But most of the time, everyone else will brush “IT” off as they are just a “loving person” close to YOU.
Because it is too hard, for YOU and OTHERS close to this person, to see this person for what they REALLY are.
To see what they REALLY want from YOU!
IT’S NOT YOUR FAULT!
But why didn’t I see it before it’s too late?
Didn’t my family/friend/anyone seen the signs of inappropriate behavior before “IT” finally happened?
“Denial is why these things keep happening in families.
It’s covered up or denied so greatly they keep creating new predators and new victims.
I cut most of my family out of my life because they refused to see the abuse or I know they abused other family members and I refused to let my children near that toxic environment.” – Anonymous
It is unfortunate that most of the time, the SIGNS are actually there.
Many refuses to see “IT” for one reason or another.
For most, it’s easier to dismiss “IT” as something “Normal”, “Playful”, “Loving” or whatever.
For many it’s hard to accept the TRUTH.
“IT” breaks that FANTASY of that abuser just being a “loving and caring” person.
The idea that Dad/Cousin/Brother/Friend wants to take advantage of YOU is just too much for many to believe.
It’s easier for some to deny the fact instead of breaking their Fantasy World.
IT’S NOT YOUR FAULT!
I told my family that this person abused me but they still don’t believe me!!!
They try to say something else that I don’t agree with!
Saying that maybe they had “No Bad Intentions” when doing all those horrible things to me? Or some other excuse!
“Your experience is being dismissed and minimized by your family.
That’s there denial.
To say he had no bad intentions is absurd.
His intentions were selfish and inappropriate.” – Anonymous
It is unfortunate that this happens.
It happened to me and others that I know.
Some people are just not willing to accept the TRUTH.
They rather try to make sense of what happened by making another Fantasy world.
Don’t let this discourage YOU!
Just because YOU didn’t realize what was happening to you was wrong at the time doesn’t make “IT” right.
You have been manipulated by this person to believe what they was doing or trying to do is NORMAL.
IT’S NOT YOUR FAULT!
• • •
Some people think that they will be fine by not dealing with their traumas and just putting it in a deep and dark place.
The truth is that this will affect YOU even worst!
I know many of my bad decisions are because of “IT”.
Acting out towards friends, family and other people.
Being attracted to the wrong kind of relationships.
Hurting and pushing away those that love me and letting in people that are unhealthy for me.
These are all part of that “Monster” I have created by not allowing myself to heal from my traumas.
I have known a few people, that reached out to me, that kept doing unhealthy behaviors because of what happened to them.
Many did not realize they were even doing all this unhealthy behaviors UNTIL they have faced “IT”.
It all changed once they faced their trauma, understood how it affected their life and let it go.
One of them was sexually abused by a family member at a very young age.
She was raped by a friend but still chose to remain friends with them and be around them afterwards.
She was raped another time by a romantic loved one yet remained with them for sometime afterwards.
She kept allowing unhealthy people in her life.
She kept allowing people that take advantage of her into her life and push away people that love and care for her.
She refused to see and accept that what she was doing is unhealthy for her and people around her.
One of them was raped and abused by another family member.
She acted out many times as she was growing up.
She would fight with her family and friends.
She would run away from home when she was younger
She would go from one bad relationship to another.
She would also hurt many of the people that love her.
One of them was raped and abused by her cousin but her family refuses to believe her story.
She keeps putting herself in inappropriate situations.
Allowing people to be inappropriately close to her.
Allowing people to abuse her.
Her loved ones would try to tell her what she is doing.
When others are trying to do something wrong to her.
But she refuses to see that she is attracted to others inappropriate behaviors towards her.
She wonders why she keeps having the same things happen to her.
YOU will continue to make the same mistakes.
Be in the same unhealthy relationships.
Do the same inappropriate behaviors.
Allow people to do inappropriate behaviors towards YOU.
All this will continue until you deal with your traumas and then let it go.
• • •
The most common thing, that happens for people that has been abused, is that it’s hard for them to be vulnerable to the ones showing them REAL love and affection.
This is because WE have been so used to the wrong kind of attention.
It’s seems crazy, that for the victims of abuse and the ones that has endured such traumas, it can be more comfortable getting the wrong kind of attention.
It almost feels uncomfortable being with someone that is showing you the right kind of affection.
This is why it is very important for people that has felt any kind of traumas in their life to seek help.
To deal with them even though it will hurt reliving all those traumas again.
This is why YOU need a strong, healthy and loving support system to be successful.
Because it will hurt, again.
But once YOU have faced YOUR fears and embraced everything.
To know that all that happened to you is NOT YOUR FAULT.
The healing can begin and YOU can let it all go.
I remember talking to a nurse at a Psychiatric Hospital, in its worst wing, when I was studying to be a nurse myself.
She told me “Do you know what is the difference between the Workers here and the Patients?”
I was intrigued so I asked “What?”.
She replied with confidence “The ONLY difference is that the workers have the key to get out! That’s it.”.
Everyone has some kind of trauma that they have experienced and have to deal with.
Everyone deals with each one differently.
The important part is to actually deal with “IT” or “IT” will control YOU!
So please find someone to talk to.
Find a way to get help.
YOU deserve to be loved.
YOU deserve to be able to trust someone.
I believe that WE all deserve to be loved and appreciated.
Without worrying if they are going to take advantage of US .
• • •
A mantra that has been helping me that I have been telling myself:
“I love YOU.
I forgive YOU.