I explained on my previous post, “Perspectives on how traumas can affect YOU in your lifetime“, how specific traumas affects us and why we do what we do.
Sometimes we may not be fully aware of our own actions or behavior because of this.
- Why you are easily triggered by certain situations?
- Why you react a certain way to specific situations?
- Why we keep repeating the same mistakes?
- Why we keep acting out, putting ourselves in dangerous/inappropriate situations and doing dangerous/inappropriate behaviors?
- Why do we have certain anxieties, fears, behaviors, addictions, and life patterns that we seem to keep repeating and have difficulty resolving?
All this are usually caused by certain traumatic events in our life and influences our behaviors ever since.
Most times, we don’t even know why we are doing certain behaviors because we haven’t made ourselves aware of the origin of these behaviors.
When we “Act Out” or let our Fears/Anxiety/Jealousy/Anger/Addiction/Etc take control of us, it may seem like there is a “DEMON” or something inside of us that is possessing us.
In a way this is true.
Not dealing/understanding/healing from your own personal traumas can create these “Demons” that will haunt you throughout your life, subconsciously most of the time.
Some consider this “Demon” as their “Inner Child”.
I shall explain the similarities of the two and how YOU can start becoming AWARE of them and start YOUR healing process.
Please note that most of what I will write here echoes what the articles, linked below, is also trying to talking about.
Please read them also.
What is this “Demon/Inner Child”?
This “Demon” or “Inner Child” is a part of YOU that has been deeply hurt or traumatized by SOMETHING.
This “Demon” or “Inner Child” are usually created during childhood from a traumatic experience that YOU are not able to process at the time.
This can be physical, psychological, emotional, or sexual in nature or a combination of these factors.
Other traumas or experiences, as you live your life, can also create more “Demons” or influence your “Inner Child”.
Most people tend to keep it silenced and try to forget about them.
Most people prefer to not feel or remember the pain.
Forgetting or putting away the pain ONLY creates more pain, unfortunately.
This creates the “Demon/Inner Child” that acts out influencing our actions.
Because the longer you hold something in, the bigger the explosion or “Acting Out” YOU will create.
For me, I like to call it the “Little Boy”.
He was created when I was sexually abused as a child.
What does this “Demon”/”Inner Child” do?
They usually come out as anxiety, fear, anger, jealousy or other emotions.
These feelings are reactions that are caused by the “Demon/Inner Child” for not being heard, for being neglected.
They can sabotage us without meaning to or us being aware of it.
Addictions and other dangerous/inappropriate behaviors are some of the ways they can influence YOU!
Think of it as a CHILD throwing a tantrum or acting out for not getting it’s needs met!
My “Little Boy” was the reason I acted out often as I was growing up.
He influenced me to get into inappropriate and dangerous situations.
Influenced me to be in the wrong kind of relationships.
Attracted me to the wrong kind of situations and people.
All of this I now understand as the “Little Boy” acting out.
This is all he has known for so long and not know the difference.
This is why when someone is showing the RIGHT kind of love and attention, I tend to want to run away.
Because it feels uncomfortable, it feels different from what he was used to!
When the WRONG kind of attention is being given, it somehow feels comfortable and inviting.
What does this “Demon/Inner Child” want/need?
It wants/needs what any child wants and needs.
It wants to be acknowledged, loved, heard, taken cared off.
Most importantly, it wants to HEAL!
It has been so hurt, confused and silenced for so long.
It wants you to UNDERSTAND it.
It wants to be HEARD!
Once you UNDERSTAND what it wants/needs is when you can begin to change the behavior and patterns that are keeping you from creating the life and relationships you want and deserve.
It’s interesting that I do want people to love and be with me.
Yet, my “Little Boy” would act out and influence me to do things to push away people that are trying to connect with me.
I would do some inappropriate behavior just to push good people away.
Yet invite the wrong people in!
It is a crazy conflict.
Once you understand your “Demon/Inner Child”.
You can become more aware when they are around.
Then you can learn how to control them.
How can I feed this “Demon”?
How can I heal the “Inner Child”?
The process of feeding your “Demon” and healing your “Inner Child” is the same as they are the same.
They both want to be acknowledged, loved,and understood.
They both want to heal.
This will be a long and lifetime process.
YOU will need to CHOOSE to either STAY the SAME or make CHANGES in your behavior.
YOU will need to accept the fact that YOU will still make mistakes but YOU need to be aware of them so YOU can learn from them.
It is ALL on YOU.
It is possible to change yourself, it just takes time.
It also helps if you have a good, healthy and loving support system to guide YOU.
With that said, the most important thing to do is to start becoming more aware when this “Demon/Inner Child” of yours surfaces.
I started becoming more aware of my “Little Boy” when I started going to a therapist when I was in the process of having a divorce.
I never really went in depth with anyone about what happened to me until I started therapy.
I didn’t really fully understand, how the “Little Boy” inside of me affected and influenced me, until a couple years later when I had a huge argument with my new fiance.
Once I opened up and talked about it more with people.
The more I gained a greater understanding about my “Little Boy” and why he is acting out.
How can I become more aware of my “Demon/Inner Child”?
When certain feelings arise, whether it be anger/anxiety/fear/jealousy/etc, step back for a minute to see if it’s a genuine emotion from what is happening at the time.
Figure out if maybe this emotions are being influenced by your “Demon/Inner Child”.
Some Examples of this could be:
- You feeling anxious when you are alone in a dark room.
- You feeling angry when someone said something to you.
- You feeling jealous when your significant other is with someone.
- You feeling scared when someone gets too close to you.
Certain situations may re-enact certain events in your life that will make the “Demon/Inner Child” come out.
- You trying to get attention/affection from someone and they are being distant.
- You see someone you care about being taken advantage of without them realizing it.
- You start feeling vulnerable to someone you love or care about.
Once you can differentiate from genuine emotions at the moment or become AWARE of something influenced by your “Demon/Inner Child”, then we can start working with and understanding what they want and need.
What to do once I become aware of the “Demon/Inner Child”?
Once you become aware of your “Demon/Inner Child” is when you start making it alive, to acknowledge it’s existence.
Find out EVERYTHING about it.
- What does it look, feel, sound, smell.
- Make it a living and breathing creature in front of you!
Once you have it alive in front of you is when you get to know IT!
Ask it questions:
- When was it born?
- How old is it?
- What created it?
- What does it want/need?
- How would it feel once it gets what it wants/needs?
- How can I heal it?
Once you understand your “Demon/Inner Child” more, then trade places with it.
Understand it even more by being IT!
This is when you start to OWN it!
Make it a part of YOU!
When I became more aware of my “Demon”, I realized it was just me as a “Little Boy”.
My “Little Boy” is about 5-8 years old.
The once innocent boy who is so naive, loved to play and just wanted to be loved.
That “Little Boy” that never got enough attention from his mother.
That “Little Boy” that got the wrong kind of attention from his father.
Confused, angry, and scared.
He has been silenced for so long that him influencing me to “Act Out” in inappropriate ways is his way to be heard.
What do I do now that I know and understand my “Demon/Inner Child”?
Now you start the process of taking care and healing your “Demon/Inner child”.
You do this by acknowledging it’s existence.
Acknowledging the inner child means treating him or her with respect and love.
You can do so by saying:
“I love you,” “I hear you,” “I’m sorry you feel this way,” and “Thank you for being you.”
By paying close attention, it will tell you what it wants and needs.
Give it what it needs!
Feed it what it needs!
Stop neglecting it now that you are AWARE of it!
Keep taking care of IT when ever IT decides to show up.
I gained a new perspective in life and about myself once I started becoming aware and took the effort to understand my “Little Boy”.
I now understand that when I don’t get what I expect from others, he comes out.
Because he was expecting to be coddled for the things he has done.
He wanted to feel appreciated and loved.
When he doesn’t get that, he comes out and influence me to act out.
With my new awareness, when he does come out next time, I now know to step back and not take things so personal.
I tell my “Little Boy” that he is still loved and appreciated by me.
I send my own loving energy towards him so he can know that he is appreciated and loved.
Now I try to change my behavior by not expecting anything in return for what I do for others.
Learning to just let things go.
Just some examples of how you can deal with your own “Little Boy/Girl”.
I hope what I wrote here helps you as it is helping me.
Dealing with my own “Demons” and my “Little Boy” will be a work that will take a lifetime.
It is difficult at first.
The biggest step is accepting it and the willingness to change my behavior for the better.
I have and will continue to make mistakes.
But I trust in the process and learn every day.
The new perspectives and feeling of freedom you get after dealing and understanding my “Little Boy” is life changing!
It helps that I reached out and found a great support network of friends.
It helps that I am surrounding myself with positive people and doing positive things with my life.
Exercise, dancing, communicating, reading and now writing is helping me deal with my “Little Boy”.
So please, do not be afraid to reach out and ask for help.
Talk to someone, anyone.
You deserve to be loved and feel free.
You deserve to be heard.
You deserve to be healed.
You can do it and it is possible.
I will be there for you whenever you need me.
Please feel free to contact me for whatever reason if this helps you or you need some help.
How to feed your demons by Lama Tsultrim Allione
5 STEPS OF FEEDING YOUR DEMONS by Tara Mandala Community
Deep Secrets and Inner Child Healing by Diana Raab PH.D.